The Night Before
I was so nervous, the night before thinking, what will a direct stimulation feel like to someone with Trigeminal Neuralgia especially with severe central sensitization disorder? Will it cause a flare? I feared the worst and the stress of it, turned my stomach into a pit of knots, and I ended up running to the washroom multiple times.
You see, this didn't happen because I have anxiety issues but because I have a stress affected pain disorder. Thus, I fear an attack that would leave me incapable of caring for small infants, but each day I take my pills and I know they wont last. Each time the trigeminal pain comes its stronger than the pills, and I feel my body at war within itself. I feel the nerves burning up the side of my face, in my ear...and I pace the floor while my family sleeps....I fear the multiple surgeries that so many have to have, time and time again. The side effects sound barbaric for this day and age: some lose hearing, some lose feeling in their faces, some lose sight, all in the pursuit of less pain yet the nerve prevails and grows back increasing in pain. I've done my research, I know my options. My Dr has confirmed me that I have multiple severe pain disorders and have exhausted all of my pharmacological treatments. This study is my best option.
The Day of
We arrive early after driving an hour and a half and I go into the clinic to find that the specialist is a 1/2hr late. Inside the clinic the waiting room is full of older women, talking about the Dr's lateness amongst themselves. Yet, to me a Dr being late is hardly news, what's news would be one arriving on time. I'm at least half they're age and have twice the disorders. All of them are upset with pitchforks ready and then they dissipate when the secretary, and Dr, both walk in and they clammer towards the desk. While I wait I'm asked to fill out 3 pages of questionnaires and pay for my treatments. All the while I'm just praying the credit card doesn't bounce. Eventually, a full hour later I’m led to a back to a room, the Dr. sits me in a comfy chair, and puts some thick rubber helmet tight on my head. The Dr asks if I have any questions, and I ask if this will hurt? He says it won’t other than some slight discomfort and that this session is just to get a baseline. The helmet holds the electrodes in place and he turns up some dials up and I feel a stinging and burning where they were placed. Every where the helmet touches on my head it pulsates, and my trigeminal areas ache. After the 20 minutes the secretary comes in and turns off the machine. Then the helmet comes off, and it throb as one large migraine the rest of the day.
At least now, I know what it will be like and that I can bear this. No pain, no gain. It will suck to have to go through, but I know I can do this. Migraine days are bad sure but, there are worse things. The surgery is a far worse option. I am just thankful that right now both little ones are sleeping and the trigeminal did not go into the ultimate flare just a sharp pain hare and there. I was blessed that my parents took the day off work and came in to help with the kids and everything worked out. God has been Good.
~Elysia B
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